Saturday, April 9, 2011

Dear Blank, Please Blank: London Edition

Dear Person On the Tube,
Thank you for giving me that shove out of the car when there were too many people in my way who wouldn’t move and I needed to get out.
Sincerely, No Really, Thank You

Dear Girl With a Handful of Five Pence Pieces,
Use the freaking coins- only machine to top of your card by two pounds next time.
Sincerely, the Girl Who Actually Has a Cash Note (and the ten people behind me)

Dear Flatmate Who Hasn’t Washed Their Dishes in a Month,
What on earth are you using to eat and cook with? Also, it’s gross.
Sincerely, Everyone Else in Your Flat

Dear QMUL Blackboard,
You know what helps a student get their online assignments from you? You actually working and not crashing students’ computers when they try to access you.
Sincerely, Okay Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Procrastinated But Whatever

Dear British TV,
You know I love you. You’re very interesting. But it’s hard to watch you when you show one part of a TV show on Monday at nine and then on Thursday at nine the next week and Wednesday at seven the following week.
Sincerely, Consistency is Cool

Dear Male Residents of Flat,
When you invite someone over, it’s generally considered polite to answer the door when they ring the buzzer, not sit in your room as your friends lean on the doorbell until one of your flatmates (who is not acquainted with this person and therefore technically should not let them in) get its.
Sincerely, Keep This Up and They’re Not Going to Be Your Friends For Much Longer

Dear Marks & Spencer,
WHAT DO YOU SELL? I always thought you sold food, as all of the branches I entered did. But then I go to Canterbury and in the windows are mannequins wearing everything from just underwear to three-piece suits, and within are racks of clothing.
Sincerely, Explain This to Me

Dear Flatmate With the Strong Cockney Accent,
I can hear your phone conversations. Everyone in the building can. Also, do you have raves in your room every night? Because the music is certainly loud enough.
Sincerely, My Ears Are Bleeding, How Are Yours Not?

(Inspired by this site.)

2 comments:

Brenda said...

Gee---someone got up on the wrong side of the bed.

Rachel said...

Not at all- it took me months to collect just this many. I didn't want to just put one in an entry, so I figured I'd wait and make it subtantial.

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