Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Universe Doesn't Want Me to Go to Wales

Raise your hand if you've ever had trouble purchasing something over the internet? Yeah, I can't actually see you, but I'm pretty sure that if you thought I could and were doing so, every single person's hand would be raised. And that's why you might find today's tale interesting and/or comforting in that you are not alone. The internet has given me the finger many, many times today already, and it's only two p.m.

QMUL is offering a trip to Wales and Wye Vally next weekend for a mere twenty-six pounds. A deal? Yes, especially since I don't know how else I would get to Wales for so cheap (and with a transportation system that drops me off at my school.) Adrienne has been planning on going to, so I went onto my school's e-shop to save my place.

The e-shop's easy to use; I've used it many times already since I've been here. But apparently, the universe really doesn'y want me to go to Wales. I clicked on the trip. Oops, I wasn't logged in. I logged in and clicked on the trip. Phew, three spaces left. Book, please.

Computer: I'm sorry, there is no trip like this registered in the system.
Rachel: Um... but what does that heading say right there? Wales and Wy-
Computer: I'm sorry, there is no record of this trip in the system. Please check the booking summary.
Rachel: But I haven't booked anything yet... fine. (clicks)
Computer: Hooray, there is a Wales trip! Doesn't it look fun? Ya wanna go? Cool, the button to pay is right... oh, no, did it run away again? Pesky buttons, they're always doing that. Well, you could print this page if you wanted to.
Rachel: You mean the page that tells me absolutely nothing?
Computer: You got it.
Rachel: No. Besides, I don't have a printer and have you heard the story about the last time I tried to print something off in the library? Those librarians still cringe at the sight of me.
Computer: Okay, well, how 'bout you check your account summary. It'll tell you if there's a record of you paying.
Rachel: But I didn't pay... I'd have to enter my credit card inf-
Computer: Check. Your. Account. Summary.
Rachel: (clicks)
Computer: See, there it is! The Wales trip... status pending... zero pounds. Lookin' good.
Rachel: NOT lookin' good. Lookin' like I haven't paid and therefore can't go. And 'pending status?' What the crap does that mean?
Computer: It means your problems are not yet over.
Rachel: Ah-ha, but lookie here, there is a link if I need help!
Computer: (cackles quietly) Oh, silly, naive child, I thought you grew up in the internet age...
Rachel: (clicks)
Computer: (between laughs) The page you are looking for has not been located. It may have been moved to another location.
Computer: (and all the tech geeks reading this) Well, technically-
Rachel: Shut up. Oh, hey, you can contact the e-shop workers. (click) I'll just get out my phone-
Computer: If you need assistance, please e-mail us at-
Rachel: Nonononononoemailistooslowformypurposes. (clicks madly)
Computer: Look, at me I'm as frozen as the snow back in your hometown!

At this point, I was mentally cycling through all of the interesting and not-so-nice words I've learned in my lifetime and do not utter aloud. My computer eventually unfroze, thawed out by the heat of my anger.

Computer: Oh, hey, wassup? Nice nap?
Rachel: You. Work now.
Computer: Okay, Tarzan. How about you e-mail that address and complain to them in a civil manner.
Rachel: Good idea. (Tries to log onto Blackboard. Receives a pop-up telling her that the school tries to avoid pop-ups. Wonders about the state of the world. E-mails the address.)
Adrienne: (running into the room) WHY IS IT IMPOSSIBLE TO BOOK THE WALES TRIP?!
Rachel: I KNOW!!! (to Computer) See? I'm not incompetent.
Computer: At this particular moment.
Adrienne: There are only three spots left and I can't call the number provided because my phone is a piece of crap. (Computer quietly snickers in the background)
Rachel: I'll call it! (picks up phone, finds internet page, dials)
Phone: Look, I forgot to take my 5-hour Energy thinger, so I'm getting that four o'clock feeling...
Rachel: It's not even two.
Phone: Actually, here in England it's already 13:50. Gotta love that military time. God, I'm exhausted. Sorry. (Hangs up.)
Rachel: YOU WILL WORK. (Dials again, hard, like that will help things and not break her touch screen)
Phone: (flicks through all of the screens because Rachel still can't figure out her phone) Wheeeeeeeeee!
Rachel: (dials the number again)
Phone: No can do, sister.
Rachel: You suck.
Phone: So you tell me daily. It's like you have a phone that you love back home.
Rachel: (pines for American phone. Dials other provided number)
Phone: I'm sorry. All calls to this number are barred.
Rachel and Adrienne: WHAT?!
Phone: Hey, don't shoot the messenger. I'm just a vessel for communication.
Rachel and Adrienne: d;nrgDBDJFNKelglkdfhb;dg;kadnf;kgahhhhhhhhhhh.

And that's how our encounter has ended thus far. We've both shot off multiple e-mails and are now staring at our inboxes waiting for any news at all, brooding. We just wanna go to Wales!

I guess I'll go to the gym and work off my anger...


Anonymous said...

Thank you for making my life! And I hope you get to Wales!


Captain Stennous said...

As a tech geek, I am thoroughly horrified at the way your computer and phone are not only abused but also patronized at their own expense with no way to defend themselves. Do I even need to start in on the universe? :p
Perhaps I'll have a chat with the laws of physics and some particularly powerful techies to see if I can arrange to fix the trip registration. If that doesn't work, I'll see what I can do about a quantum tunnel for you and Adrienne. In theory, it should work...

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