The Royal Wedding

Today was the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Hooray! That's about as much enthusiasm as I can work up over this event. Don't get me wrong, I know it's important, but a) I've never known or cared much about the royals and b) I am living in the city in which the wedding is being held, which means that the only way I'm affected is by a few thousand extra people clogging up the tubes when I need to get somewhere.

A few of my friends went to go freeze outside the wedding this morning. I think they're insane. People back home, however, seem to think I'm the crazy one. To be honest, the Americans seem more interested in this ceremony than the British do, and people have been Facebooking me begging me to go to the wedding. But here's why I am here, warm in my room at 12:30 p.m:

I WASN'T INVITED.

I get that it's exciting to be nearer to the wedding, but if I stood outside, I'd miss the actual ceremony. I didn't see any television screens set up outside so people could watch it. As far as I can tell, they just saw the cars go by and then stared at the road for an hour until they came by again. No thanks (plus, I probably wouldn't be able to see anything. I'm short. Most likely I just would have been staring at someone's back.)

I am not anti-wedding. I'll admit to watching a documentary about William and Kate's relationship yesterday and they seem like lovely, nice people. I am very happy for them on their wedding day, and I've chosen to be happy from afar, as they don't care whether or not I'm there. I will say, though, that Kate's dress was beautiful!

I did watch the ceremony accompanied by Maureen Johnson's (creator of BEDA and one of my favorite authors) commentary, which was very funny, since she pretty much has the same mindset as I do about this event. She did a three and a half hour live show and here are some of the highlights:

"God, I'm so tired of these interviews. Just show me the freaking people in hats!"

"They've put her in a tent. It kinda looks like one of those tents they use when they find a dead body... and she's gonna pop out like a weasel."

"There's a strange bald man... what does he want?"

"Here comes the fake tan brigade!"

“I just closed my own face… never close your own face.”

“Welcome back to where there is still no wedding.”

“In this kind of coverage, they do make you desperate to see anything.”

“The wedding doesn’t start until eleven? I’m going to have a stroke! There’s another hour and fifteen minutes of this CRAP?!”

“Who are these people and why do they keep putting the camera on them, besides that they’re pretty?”

“There are the poors. They’re cheering. Cheer, poors, cheer!”

“Sorry, I was just having a mental episode.”

“You know what they should do to make this wedding more interesting? They should let loose a bunch of raccoons.”

“We’re all just sitting around watching two cars drive slowly. We are sheep.”

“He’s got a scar on his head like he’s had a lobotomy.”

“Is that a female religious person? How progressive!”

“This is the thing about weddings- just when you think all the boring crap is over, someone plays another song… no one likes these songs.”

“Harry’s gonna yak at any second…”

“Don’t try to tease me with shots of adorable children.”

“Where are the other two flower girls? Maybe they sacrificed them in the back room. Oh, well, someone’s gotta die.”

“Enjoy the footage you’ll be forced to watch for the rest of your lives.”

But now that's over and I am going to get on with my day. On campus. Away from the crazies.